I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
