somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
