I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
