how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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