Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
