this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
