Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize