I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
