chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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