Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize