it hurts more in the daytime
So gin and wine won't be happening again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
