barbara walters just said penis...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You are a genius and a whore.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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