I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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