I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
