your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
