i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
