Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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