Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
