I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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