What a fucking waste of an outfit
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
