What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
