Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
