There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
