The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
