I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
