3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize