my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Randomize
