i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
