erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
