I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
