ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
