oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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