i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize