in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My life is pants optional.
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