How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
