i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
