I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the day after is always just damage control
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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