Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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