I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
honey bunches of taint.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
