So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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