I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
