i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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