All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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