They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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