Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
