So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
