I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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