Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
