It's Friday. Sex?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You need a sexual gate keeper
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize