Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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