There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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