I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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