Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
