Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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