it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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