honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I think I just sharted jello shots
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