So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
