I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
