Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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