i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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