talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize