Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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