his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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