is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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