the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
