Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize