Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
they need to just BURY HIM!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
