I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize