i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
