I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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