i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
