after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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